In the average family home, kids grow up with access to a wide range of devices and digital tools. In the UK, for example, the average home with kids has access to at least 15 different internet-enabled devices, from iPads to laptops, to a parent’s phone, or the Echo Dot on the counter. For kids now, technology is ever-present, and will accompany them at every stage of their lives: in education, as a form of entertainment, in their social lives, and looking into the future, at work.

Considering this, it’s important for families to talk about – and demonstrate – healthy, responsible tech use from a young age. One way to navigate digital rules and establish positive relationships with technology is by creating a family contract, better described as technology guidelines, or a family tech agreement. This can act as a springboard for productive conversations and offer guidelines that everyone feels comfortable following. 

Why is a family technology contract important?

Talking about tech use in a mindful, responsible, and respectful way is part of the process for any parent. However, for any agreement to be effective, lasting, and conflict-free, the approach we take is key. For a family tech contract, or better yet, agreement to be successful, we need to take the focus off setting rules (which, as the saying goes, are made to be broken), and shift it towards creating an open, constructive dialogue, which helps all family members use technology in a healthy way. 

To get you started, Qustodio offers two free downloadable digital agreements, which can set up a workshop session you can regularly revisit as a family. The family agreements – one for younger kids, and one for teens and tweens – are a useful resource for families looking to get started with the process. Download the appropriate agreement for your family below. 

How to get started with your family technology contract

First, you’ll want to create a positive, welcoming environment, where everyone feels comfortable sharing. Choose a stress-free moment, such as a weekend where there are no plans, to set the conversation up. You can help create a relaxed, laid-back setting by combining other elements that remove the “serious family discussion” element, such as a picnic, or as you enjoy an afternoon snack together. 

Once you’ve decided on the perfect opportunity, think of an activity you can do together – one that’s age-appropriate, and tech-related. This serves as an icebreaker and will get them motivated for the conversation. For example, you could play a video game together, or explore a new app that allows you to get creative with them. You could even show them what digital wellbeing tools or parental monitoring look like, how they work, and how they can be used to promote healthier digital habits. This can help set up a productive conversation, where kids can see that these tools aren’t being used to control, but rather to protect. This focus shift from control to collaboration encourages them to participate, and brings a more positive angle to the conversation.

Inclusion: the secret to success

Now you’ve grabbed your kids’ attention, the next part of the process is key: involving them. Establishing rules and boundaries shouldn’t be a one or two-person show, but a process where we listen to our kids’ input and take their needs into account, even if what they think doesn’t match up with your point of view or the risks you know are real.

To avoid the conversation being hyper-focused on setting rules and limits that restrict your kids, encourage them to share positive experiences they’ve had, along with apps and games they like. They should feel comfortable sharing what they enjoy and what they don’t, so that the rules and ideas you discuss can be put in place to help them enjoy the good sides, while reducing negative experiences. Sharing worries and negative situations in a family space can also serve as an environment where you offer guidance, giving kids advice on how to face them and what they should do if they encounter risk online. 

Now you’re all ready to begin, here are some tips to help guide the conversation and keep it productive:

1. Share your own experiences

Sometimes your kids won’t be willing to share, or might not be able to think of a situation – either positive or negative – that they want to talk about. In this case, you can act as the example, sharing your own experiences first, again not only focusing on negative aspects of technology, but sharing the things you love and the ways it helps you. By sharing only the bad, your kids might think you have an outdated view of technology, or that you simply want to restrict how they access the digital world, which might not encourage them to share as openly. 

2. Practice “active listening” 

It’s a good idea to repeat what your kids say throughout the conversation, to reflect their thoughts back, show interest in the different points they might raise, and try to avoid interrupting them or criticizing the way they think. On the other hand, as parents, we shouldn’t be afraid to share our thoughts with our kids, to create an environment where everyone feels they can share and their views are worth listening to. We have to be able to exchange opinions freely, even when they’re different.

3. Take turns suggesting ideas

To create a balanced and fair digital agreement, where everyone feels included, try having each family member suggest their own rule or guideline. Debate the proposed rules and come to a consensus about which ones you’d like to include, and which ones you’d prefer to leave out. This will help you come up with rules that are clear, specific, and above all, achievable. It also lets kids and teens feel a sense of responsibility, and that they have control over their digital life.

4. Make an initial list of ideas

Even though we want our kids to feel included and participate, it’s important for the adults involved to have a general idea of what your family wants to achieve with the agreement, so it aligns with priorities and beliefs. Before the discussion, lay out a few rules that you would like to see in the agreement, taking your kids’ ages and personalities into account. 

What kind of rules can we include in our family’s agreement?

Not all tech use is equal, and the digital challenges that kids face differ across age groups. Here are some rule suggestions that you could use, depending on your child’s age: 

Sample tech rules for under 8s

• A limit of 1 hour of personal screen time per day (e.g. games, videos, and activities outside homework or school work)
• Devices must be used in spaces with an adult present
• Ask for permission before using a device
• Ask for permission before downloading a new app or game
• Don’t share any personal information

Sample tech rules for tweens

• Don’t use devices at the dinner table, or when we have family plans
• Switch devices off before bed
• Make a note of trusted adults you can turn to for support, or who you can go to when you see something that makes you feel uncomfortable

Sample tech rules for teens

• Respect other people’s privacy (avoid sharing pictures of minors and get consent before sharing friends and family)
• Keep social media profiles private
• Dedicate time to offline activities and hobbies
• Promote critical thinking surrounding online content

During the conversation, work to guide your kids, letting them feel they can suggest and implement rules, while also ensuring the rules and boundaries you think are important are included.

Adapting your family tech contract as time goes by

The rules shouldn’t be set in stone, and as your kids get older, their technology needs change – so your digital agreement must reflect this, too. In families where there are kids of different ages, you’ll want to create rules that allow younger kids to understand what’s expected of them when they get older, and help them realize that rules can’t always be “one size fits all”. You can break your rule sets down into different age groups to make it easier to understand: 

• For kids under 8, it’s important to focus on basic rules that promote digital health and wellbeing, such as limiting screen time, talking about the possibility of inappropriate content, and setting up restrictions to help them avoid it, while also promoting offline activities and shared family experiences.
• For tweens, even though they may not be using social media, they’ll certainly be aware of it – which should be reflected in the agreement: tweens should know what online privacy is, what happens to videos and photos once they’re uploaded to social media or the internet, how to be respectful and communicate online, how to recognize inappropriate behavior and red flags (especially from strangers), how to identify bullying behavior, and how to be kind to others in the digital world. 
• For teens, it’s important to keep working on the same guidelines set out for tweens, promoting healthy online behavior, digital ethics, respect towards other people, moderating screen time and promoting balanced use, and teaching them how to reflect on and question content they encounter online. 

With this in mind, you can use the two digital agreement templates Qustodio offers, one designed for under-8s, and the other for tweens and teens, to help families steer the conversation towards age-appropriate rules and guidelines. 

You’ll also want to consider when to review your rules – for example, every 3 months, just before school vacation, before starting the new year, or when you’ve had a digital setback and need to take a new approach. Another key moment to review your digital agreement is when giving your child a new device: a video console, an iPad, and especially a smartphone. The existing digital agreement can work as a great base to add new rules and have deeper conversations about the digital world. 

Finding digital balance together

As a family, talk about the risks and benefits technology can pose. Ask your kids to share what they know, what their beliefs are, and talk about their experiences, so you can do the same. Listen to them, and share your knowledge of the digital world and online safety. While you’re bringing years of experience to the table, they might also share things that you weren’t aware of, making the conversation something everyone can learn from. Using these shared experiences and collective knowledge, you can set rules that everyone understands and respects. 

Healthy boundaries allow everyone to find balance with technology, protecting the youngest members of the family, and making them aware of both the risks and benefits. 

The benefits you can highlight include: 

• Access to information
• Creativity and skill development
• Connection with friends and family from far and wide
• Access to new opportunities and knowledge

On the flip side, we can’t tiptoe around the risks that the online world poses, and kids should be made aware of them (in age-appropriate ways) as they grow with devices. These points can help you discuss what they need to know of the risks: 

Helping our children navigate the digital world is now an essential part of parenting: devices and technology play a huge role in our children’s lives – and our own – meaning it’s more important than ever for families to approach tech use with care and intention. A digital agreement is a great way to start these conversations, helping families set clear expectations, while also keeping the dialogue open and positive. This way, we can work towards a shared understanding of healthy technology use and what it actually means – promoting collaboration over control. 

What makes these agreements truly valuable is their flexibility. As kids grow, and technology continues to evolve, regularly revisiting your family agreement keeps it relevant and meaningful. More than just setting limits, these conversations help strengthen family bonds, encourage open communication, and give kids the tools they need to become thoughtful, responsible digital citizens. Together, families can build a safe, supportive space both on and offline, for everyone to enjoy the digital world with confidence.

Parents tell me that being able to communicate via text and messaging apps is one of the main reasons they want their kids to have a smartphone. Messaging is a convenient way to stay in touch, but it also brings safety risks we need to understand and continually discuss with our children.

Texts and online messaging platforms come with risks such as cyberbullying, inappropriate content, and potential predators. The anonymity of texting and messaging can encourage adults and children to behave in ways they might not in person, and children won’t know how to recognize or handle these situations unless we teach them. By establishing an open line of communication with your child, and implementing preventative measures like those offered by tools such as Qustodio, you can help them enjoy the benefits of messaging while minimizing potential harms.

Why conversations about messaging are important

Just like everything else related to smart phones and app use, one of the most important things you can do is start conversations about safety and expectations early. Many children and teens spend a large portion of their day texting, using social media, and chatting through messaging apps, but these platforms are typically not as secure as they might seem. From an early age, children should understand what is and isn’t appropriate behavior – for others and themselves.

Just as you teach your child to avoid talking to strangers in real life, it’s crucial to teach them the importance of being cautious about who they interact with online. Digital communication often lacks the tone and body language cues that help us decipher someone’s intentions in person. They also tend to happen when trusted adults aren’t present. Without these signals, it can be much easier for someone to manipulate or mislead a child. Regular, open dialogue helps equip children with the tools they need to recognize and respond to red flags.

Teaching your child to recognize messaging red flags

It’s critical to make sure your child knows what to look for when using messaging apps, and how to respond if they encounter suspicious, scary, or harmful behavior. The first step is to educate your child about potential red flags so they know when something doesn’t seem right.

1. Strange or unfamiliar contacts

It’s not uncommon for children to be approached by strangers through messaging apps, either by friends of friends or unknown users. Many apps allow users to message others without necessarily needing to know their phone number or social media handle. One red flag is when someone your child doesn’t know or trust reaches out without a clear reason. If your child receives a message from someone they don’t recognize, they should be instructed to avoid responding and tell you about it.

Takeaway tip: Encourage your child to only communicate with people they know personally and trust. Some apps have parental control settings that allow you to adjust privacy settings to manage this. Learn how to use Qustodio to monitor and track who your child is communicating with and what is being said.

2. Pressure or manipulation

If your child feels pressured to do or say something they’re uncomfortable with, it’s a significant red flag. Predators or other harmful individuals often use manipulation to convince children to share personal information or engage in inappropriate behavior. They may start by making seemingly innocent comments, but quickly escalate to requests for private information or photos. Kids may not recognize when they are being manipulated, especially if the person they are communicating with has gained their trust over time. Teach your children that anyone, including people they know, who pressures them or makes inappropriate requests is someone they should be wary of and should inform an adult about.

Takeaway tip: Teach your child to never share personal information such as passwords, addresses, or anything that could compromise their security. Let them know that it’s okay to block or report someone who makes them feel uneasy or uncomfortable.

3. Unsolicited inappropriate content

One of the more concerning red flags in messaging apps is receiving unsolicited explicit or inappropriate content. These images or messages are often sent without any prior communication or warning. Children may feel confused, ashamed, or embarrassed if they receive such content, especially if they don’t know how to respond. Reassure your kids that they can bring these things to you and you will not be angry or punish them. They need to know you will be calm and supportive if they do speak up and report these kinds of dangerous or inappropriate messages.

Takeaway tip: Teach your child the importance of immediately reporting inappropriate content, blocking the sender, and never feeling obligated to engage with someone who sends such messages. Set clear expectations that they can come to you with anything that makes them uncomfortable. 

How to approach the conversation at different age levels

The way to talk to kids about sensitive topics needs to be adjusted to their age and developmental level. Younger children will need brief, simple information, while older teens will require more detailed discussions around privacy, security, and online etiquette. Tailoring your conversation to their level of understanding is key to making sure it sticks. 

For younger children (ages 5-10)

At this age, the focus should be on basic safety and making sure your child understands the importance of not talking to strangers online. They may not be using messaging apps as frequently (and certainly shouldn’t be spending time on social media apps), but they will likely be exposed to them through games or educational platforms. Make sure they understand that if anyone online asks for their name, age, location, or a photo, they should tell you right away.

For tweens (ages 10-12)

This age group is becoming more social online, and texting or messaging may be their primary form of communication. It’s important to start talking about more complex topics like online bullying, peer pressure, and what to do if they receive inappropriate messages. This is also an important age for to ensure you have parental controls in place, if you haven’t before now, to help monitor and manage access to inappropriate content and online communication. Revisit these topics in casual conversation regularly to keep the lines of communication open about what they are seeing and experiencing online.

For teens (ages 13+)

By this age, kids are likely using messaging apps frequently, and their interactions may be more private. While they are more likely to be independent and may push back on rules or monitoring, it’s crucial to maintain an open line of communication. Instead of focusing solely on restrictions, empower your teen to make safe choices by discussing the real-world consequences of sharing personal information or engaging with unknown individuals. Make sure they know how to report harmful behavior and why it’s essential to protect their privacy online.

Keeping the conversation open and ongoing

An essential component of keeping your child safe online is maintaining an ongoing conversation. Technology and online risks evolve rapidly, and children’s use of messaging apps will continue to change. You want to be the trusted adult they come to when something feels off, whether it’s a strange message, a scary image, or a new app they’re using. Through regular conversations, parental control features like message alerts, and ongoing support, you can help your kids navigate the world of online messaging safely, ensuring they are prepared to recognize red flags and take appropriate action.

Spotify is a digital music streaming service, offering access to millions of songs, podcasts, and audio from artists all over the world. It’s on-demand radio for the streaming era, with the added bonus that over time, it becomes tailored to your listening interests, suggesting music, artists, and topics you might like, while curating playlists based on your listening history. Kids and adults alike love it for its ease of use, quick access to a vast online library of audio, and its high level of customization – but Spotify is also home to some hidden risks that parents need to explore.

What can kids do on Spotify?

With the basic (free) version of Spotify, kids can listen to the full library of music and podcasts, but with breaks for ads, and they’ll only be able to press the “skip” button a few times before it stops them from jumping from song to song. The free version also shuffles playlists, and you can’t listen offline. Why is this important? With kids’ listening in shuffle mode across a huge variety of songs, genres, and artists, it’s difficult for parents to keep track of what they’re listening to, and whether they’ll be served with songs, ads or podcasts where the lyrics or content is inappropriate for their age. 

Spotify does have a premium version, where parents may feel more in control: the paid subscription removes ads and skip limits, playlists are no longer shuffled, and kids can listen offline. Premium subscribers in some countries also have access to a range of audiobooks, which aren’t available in the free version. However, to manage explicit content, families have to purchase the more expensive “Family” subscription.

Spotify: the risks parents need to know

Making Spotify safer for kids and teens

Depending on your child’s age, there are different ways you can make Spotify safer for them to enjoy and explore. Across the age groups, it’s generally a good idea – if you can – to choose a premium subscription or use Spotify Kids if it’s available in your region. This will allow you to give young kids a more age-appropriate experience, or turn on explicit content filters. However, even if you can’t do this, there are still ways you can make Spotify safer for children and teens.

An easy way to ensure your child listens to music that you’re happy with is by creating playlists – which can also be turned into a family activity, where each family member curates music lists to their taste. You can add new songs over time, and there’s no limit to the amount of playlists you can create. Alternatively, if you don’t have time, or don’t want to create your own, you can explore the huge library of custom playlists and follow them from your child’s account.

To help shape your child’s algorithm, it’s a good idea to follow podcasts or artists that they enjoy, or that you think provide value. Similarly, you can hide artists by selecting “Don’t play this artist” from their profile, and adjust the algorithm by selecting “Not interested” on recommendations, or “Remove this from my taste profile” on playlists. This will help shape their feed, and give them recommendations that are more likely to align with your values, and their interests.

To filter out explicit content, you’ll need to have a premium family account. In your “Account overview” section on the Spotify website, select “Premium family”, and then head to the name of the family member you want to manage. There should be a toggle that reads “Allow explicit content”. Make sure this is in the “off” position. You may need to keep checking these settings, as kids can also switch it back on.

While it’s fun to see what friends and others are listening to, and Spotify’s social features can make listening a more collaborative experience, it makes sense to check in on their followers and block any they aren’t friends with in real life. You can also make playlists private, making it more difficult for their profile to show up in any search results. 

While it’s beneficial for kids to listen to music and audio, there’s a time and a place for everything, and you may not want your child to have access to apps like Spotify at any time – for example, when they’re supposed to be sleeping, or when they need to get up and out of the door for school. Qustodio’s routine feature allows you to schedule tech-free moments in the day, and block apps like Spotify when you’d prefer your child not to have access.

Music and audio play an important role in helping children to understand how to express themselves, and how they explore the world. Podcasts can entertain, educate, and provide an escape through humor, among many other advantages that access to audio content can provide for young people. Not allowing your child to access audio streaming services means they miss out on different opportunities, so it’s a good idea to be aware of the risks and be open about them with your children, letting you flag problems together before they become serious – meaning the whole family can enjoy music together!