Parents tell me that being able to communicate via text and messaging apps is one of the main reasons they want their kids to have a smartphone. Messaging is a convenient way to stay in touch, but it also brings safety risks we need to understand and continually discuss with our children.

Texts and online messaging platforms come with risks such as cyberbullying, inappropriate content, and potential predators. The anonymity of texting and messaging can encourage adults and children to behave in ways they might not in person, and children won’t know how to recognize or handle these situations unless we teach them. By establishing an open line of communication with your child, and implementing preventative measures like those offered by tools such as Qustodio, you can help them enjoy the benefits of messaging while minimizing potential harms.

Why conversations about messaging are important

Just like everything else related to smart phones and app use, one of the most important things you can do is start conversations about safety and expectations early. Many children and teens spend a large portion of their day texting, using social media, and chatting through messaging apps, but these platforms are typically not as secure as they might seem. From an early age, children should understand what is and isn’t appropriate behavior – for others and themselves.

Just as you teach your child to avoid talking to strangers in real life, it’s crucial to teach them the importance of being cautious about who they interact with online. Digital communication often lacks the tone and body language cues that help us decipher someone’s intentions in person. They also tend to happen when trusted adults aren’t present. Without these signals, it can be much easier for someone to manipulate or mislead a child. Regular, open dialogue helps equip children with the tools they need to recognize and respond to red flags.

Teaching your child to recognize messaging red flags

It’s critical to make sure your child knows what to look for when using messaging apps, and how to respond if they encounter suspicious, scary, or harmful behavior. The first step is to educate your child about potential red flags so they know when something doesn’t seem right.

1. Strange or unfamiliar contacts

It’s not uncommon for children to be approached by strangers through messaging apps, either by friends of friends or unknown users. Many apps allow users to message others without necessarily needing to know their phone number or social media handle. One red flag is when someone your child doesn’t know or trust reaches out without a clear reason. If your child receives a message from someone they don’t recognize, they should be instructed to avoid responding and tell you about it.

Takeaway tip: Encourage your child to only communicate with people they know personally and trust. Some apps have parental control settings that allow you to adjust privacy settings to manage this. Learn how to use Qustodio to monitor and track who your child is communicating with and what is being said.

2. Pressure or manipulation

If your child feels pressured to do or say something they’re uncomfortable with, it’s a significant red flag. Predators or other harmful individuals often use manipulation to convince children to share personal information or engage in inappropriate behavior. They may start by making seemingly innocent comments, but quickly escalate to requests for private information or photos. Kids may not recognize when they are being manipulated, especially if the person they are communicating with has gained their trust over time. Teach your children that anyone, including people they know, who pressures them or makes inappropriate requests is someone they should be wary of and should inform an adult about.

Takeaway tip: Teach your child to never share personal information such as passwords, addresses, or anything that could compromise their security. Let them know that it’s okay to block or report someone who makes them feel uneasy or uncomfortable.

3. Unsolicited inappropriate content

One of the more concerning red flags in messaging apps is receiving unsolicited explicit or inappropriate content. These images or messages are often sent without any prior communication or warning. Children may feel confused, ashamed, or embarrassed if they receive such content, especially if they don’t know how to respond. Reassure your kids that they can bring these things to you and you will not be angry or punish them. They need to know you will be calm and supportive if they do speak up and report these kinds of dangerous or inappropriate messages.

Takeaway tip: Teach your child the importance of immediately reporting inappropriate content, blocking the sender, and never feeling obligated to engage with someone who sends such messages. Set clear expectations that they can come to you with anything that makes them uncomfortable. 

How to approach the conversation at different age levels

The way to talk to kids about sensitive topics needs to be adjusted to their age and developmental level. Younger children will need brief, simple information, while older teens will require more detailed discussions around privacy, security, and online etiquette. Tailoring your conversation to their level of understanding is key to making sure it sticks. 

For younger children (ages 5-10)

At this age, the focus should be on basic safety and making sure your child understands the importance of not talking to strangers online. They may not be using messaging apps as frequently (and certainly shouldn’t be spending time on social media apps), but they will likely be exposed to them through games or educational platforms. Make sure they understand that if anyone online asks for their name, age, location, or a photo, they should tell you right away.

For tweens (ages 10-12)

This age group is becoming more social online, and texting or messaging may be their primary form of communication. It’s important to start talking about more complex topics like online bullying, peer pressure, and what to do if they receive inappropriate messages. This is also an important age for to ensure you have parental controls in place, if you haven’t before now, to help monitor and manage access to inappropriate content and online communication. Revisit these topics in casual conversation regularly to keep the lines of communication open about what they are seeing and experiencing online.

For teens (ages 13+)

By this age, kids are likely using messaging apps frequently, and their interactions may be more private. While they are more likely to be independent and may push back on rules or monitoring, it’s crucial to maintain an open line of communication. Instead of focusing solely on restrictions, empower your teen to make safe choices by discussing the real-world consequences of sharing personal information or engaging with unknown individuals. Make sure they know how to report harmful behavior and why it’s essential to protect their privacy online.

Keeping the conversation open and ongoing

An essential component of keeping your child safe online is maintaining an ongoing conversation. Technology and online risks evolve rapidly, and children’s use of messaging apps will continue to change. You want to be the trusted adult they come to when something feels off, whether it’s a strange message, a scary image, or a new app they’re using. Through regular conversations, parental control features like message alerts, and ongoing support, you can help your kids navigate the world of online messaging safely, ensuring they are prepared to recognize red flags and take appropriate action.