If you have kids in the 10 to 12-year age group, chances are you’re noticing a lot of changes in how they think, communicate, and behave. In this stage, kids shift from childhood to adolescence, and it can be the start of a bumpy ride in many areas for them and you. Many things in their lives become more complex at these ages – including their relationship with technology. No longer limited to simple games or cartoons, preteens are engaging in more sophisticated online interactions through things like multiplayer gaming, messaging apps, social media platforms (even when unofficially), video creation, or school-related research. 

As kids grow and change, so must the boundaries and conversations we have for them around technology, so they can stay safe while still benefiting from digital media. In this article, we’ll explore the unique developmental needs of preteens, the importance of setting screen time boundaries, and practical strategies for parents to help guide their children toward healthier screen habits.

Why screen time boundaries are important for 10 to 12-year-olds

Executive function and self-regulation are still developing

Children at this stage of development often have difficulty with impulse control, time management, and assessing risks – skills governed by the prefrontal cortex of the brain (which continues developing well into their twenties). This means they are more susceptible to losing track of time, multitasking between apps, or engaging in risky behaviors online without fully considering the consequences.

Research shows that excessive screen time during these years can interfere with the development of executive functioning skills necessary for success in school, relationships, and life. This alone is reason for you to be aware of your child’s digital media use and set appropriate boundaries.

Mental health and social pressures are increasing

Preteens are beginning to form more complex social identities, and digital platforms can increase their insecurities. They may compare themselves to others, seek external validation, or become exposed to cyberbullying. Studies have linked high screen use (especially on social media) with increased rates of depression and anxiety among children in this age group. By setting and enforcing limits during this stage of development, you can help your kids stay mentally healthy and avoid more serious issues as they move into the teen years.

Academic demands are rising

As children approach middle school, they face more demanding academic expectations. Unregulated screen time can get in the way of more important activities like reading, physical activity, extra-curricular activities, and sleep – all of which are necessary for healthy development and school success.

With these developmental factors in mind, you can see that setting thoughtful and supportive boundaries around screen time is not about punishment. It’s about helping preteens develop balance, responsibility, and long-term digital wellbeing.

Strategies for setting screen time boundaries for preteens

1. Co-create a screen time agreement

At this age, it’s important to include your child in setting screen time expectations. Sit down together to create a family digital agreement that includes agreed-upon limits, such as:

• No screens during meals or before bed
• Maximum non-school screen time per day (e.g. 2 hours)
• Tech-free times for family connection, friends, or outdoor play
• Guidelines for social media, gaming, or video content.

Collaboratively creating the agreement gives your child a sense of ownership and encourages more consistent follow-through.

2. Balance screen time with “screen-free” anchors

Work with your child to create daily routines that prioritize essential activities before screen time is allowed. For example:

• 30 minutes of physical activity or time outside
• Homework must be completed
• Chores or family responsibilities
• Reading or creative projects.

This strategy promotes balance and helps your kids learn what to prioritize before time on screens.

3. Encourage mindful screen use, not just less screen use

Instead of focusing solely on how much time your child is spending on screens, pay attention to what they’re doing and how it makes them feel. Watching a science documentary, coding a game, or FaceTiming a grandparent has different effects than scrolling TikTok or binge-watching shows.

Help your child learn to reflect on their media habits by asking:

• “How do you feel after spending time on that app?”
• “What did you learn from that video?”
• “Do you think that game makes you feel calm or frustrated?”

These conversations support media literacy and emotional awareness. This is also a good time to mention that kids at this stage of development should not have their own social media accounts, or be spending a significant amount of time on social media platforms. Most social media platforms require users to be at least 13 years old – but it’s up to you to decide whether your child is ready to use social media in a healthy way when the time comes.

4. Use parental control tools to support limits

Parenting is tough, so I always encourage the use of technology to make things easier on yourself when you can. Using parental control tools like Qustodio (the app I used when my kids were under 18) helps you stay consistent with implementing and enforcing the rules and boundaries you set for your kids. These apps are used in addition to device-specific options, and offer customizable features that allow you to:

• Set daily time limits
• Block inappropriate content
• Monitor app usage, website visits, and messaging
• Get alerts when concerning topics come up in messages 
• Schedule device-free periods (e.g., bedtime)

For more on this, check out this guide to using parental controls for tweens and teens.

5. Be consistent but flexible

Kids at this age do well with consistency, but it’s also important to remain flexible. Some days they may need more screen time for schoolwork or have a virtual hangout with friends. Be willing to adjust as needed, but don’t abandon the boundaries altogether. Regular check-ins about how the screen time rules are working can help keep the plan updated and appropriate.

Communication tips for talking to tweens about screen time

Frame the purpose of boundaries

“I know how much you enjoy your games and videos, and I think it’s awesome that you’ve found things you like. But I’ve noticed that too much screen time can make it harder for you to focus, sleep, and feel your best. I want to help you stay healthy and balanced, so let’s work on a plan that helps you do both.”

This communicates support and sets the stage for cooperation.

Discuss online safety and behavior

Talk openly about safe and respectful online behavior, even if your child isn’t officially on social media yet:

“If someone says something that makes you uncomfortable, or if you see something weird or upsetting, I want you to come talk to me. You won’t be in trouble. I’ll help you figure it out.”

Normalize coming to you for help and keep lines of communication open.

Encourage self-awareness

Ask questions that help your child reflect:

“Have you noticed how you feel when you spend a lot of time on your tablet?” 

“Do you think that show or game helps you feel more relaxed, or stressed?”

These discussions build self-regulation and internal motivation to make better choices.

Supporting kids through these preteen years can feel tough. Setting screen time boundaries for them isn’t about rigid control, it’s about continuing to foster responsibility, balance, and long-term digital wellness. As your child begins to develop more opinions and independence, this is an ideal time to teach skills that will serve them in adolescence and beyond. Through consistent routines, collaborative planning, and open communication, you can help your preteen use technology in ways that support their development, relationships, and well-being.

Parenting is a process of making the best decisions we can with what we know at the time, and then revising those decisions when we see negative results or get new information. Very little is black and white in the realm of raising children, and screen time is no exception. While allowing children access to screens can provide educational value, social connection, and entertainment, it can also easily spiral into excessive use that affects our children’s health and well-being

When screen time gets too much

If you notice that your child’s screen time has gotten out of hand, you may feel the need to tighten the reins. However, revising screen time rules (especially if you’ve been more lenient) can lead to resistance, emotional reactions, and pushback. If you’re feeling like giving up and just allowing the status quo to continue, I want to encourage you to forge ahead with making changes to the screen time rules and boundaries in your home. The key is understanding how to implement these changes effectively while supporting your child through the process. It’s never too late to set new expectations to support your child’s wellbeing when it comes to devices.

In this article, we’ll explore strategies for you to walk back more lenient screen time rules, address frustrations and complaints at different developmental stages, and help your kids process their emotions. By doing so, you’ll create healthier boundaries around screen time without creating unnecessary conflict.

Step 1: Acknowledge their emotions

Before you implement any changes, it’s essential to prepare yourself for emotional reactions from your child. The idea of suddenly losing access to devices or seeing their screen time reduced can bring up feelings of frustration, confusion, resentment, and even anger. These emotional responses are normal, and as parents, we need to be empathetic and supportive as we make changes to the rules. When you’re mentally and emotionally prepared for your child’s resistance, it helps you stay steady and follow through. 

When your child expresses resistance, acknowledge their feelings first. For example, if your child says, “This isn’t fair! You can’t just change the rules!” you could respond with something like, “I understand that this feels unfair, and it’s frustrating when things change. I know you enjoy your screen time, but I also care about your health and wellbeing, and that’s why we need to make some adjustments.” Tell them what you’re seeing in them, or new information you’ve learned, that’s leading to the changes. They need to know the “why”, even though they probably won’t agree.

The goal is to allow space for your child to feel heard while also reinforcing the reason behind the rule changes. By doing this, you reduce the likelihood of their emotional reactions spiraling into more conflict.

Step 2: Implement age-appropriate adjustments and address objections

Once you’ve broached the topic and allowed your child to express their emotions, you want to consider how to revise screen time rules at different ages. While the basic approach remains the same – be clear about your goals and give them a sense of autonomy – different age kids will present unique objections and responses to the new boundaries.

Toddlers and young children (ages 2-5)

At this age, children’s screen time should be limited, but they may not yet fully understand the concept of restrictions. If screen time has been a regular part of their routine, you may find that they object when it’s suddenly reduced. A common objection might sound like, “I don’t want to stop watching!” or “I want the iPad!”

How to respond: Keep the explanation short and simple. “We’re going to play for a little while, and then it’s time to do something else. You can use the tablet after we finish reading a story, but after that it’s time to play outside.” Offering a choice between two activities (both of which are acceptable to you) can empower your child to feel in control. For example, “You can play outside or do a puzzle, and we’ll have another screen time session tomorrow.”

It’s important to be consistent with the rules and not give in to emotional outbursts. If your child cries or throws a tantrum, remain calm and supportive but stick to your limits. You can empathize by saying something like, “I know you’re upset. It’s hard when we have to stop something fun, but we’re going to do something else now.”

School-aged children (ages 6-12)

Once kids enter school they develop a sense of independence, and screen time may become more tied to their social world. They like connecting with friends online or watching shows and discussing them with their peers. When you start to restrict their screen time they may argue, “But all my friends are playing that game!” or “I need to watch the new episode of my favorite show tonight!”

How to respond: Validate their feelings by acknowledging the importance of friends and interests. “I get that your friends are playing that game and watching that show, and it’s hard to miss out. But you can still spend time with your friends tomorrow. Right now we’re taking a break from screens.”

Offering an alternative activity can also help make the transition easier. For instance, “I know you love gaming, so we’ll take a break now, but after dinner we can play a family board game together.” Offering engaging non-screen-based options encourages your child to see other activities as fun, not as a punishment.

You can also let your child know that the boundaries are a trial and part of a healthy routine. “I know it’s tough to limit screen time, but we’re trying it for this week to see how we feel. We’ll talk again next week to see how we’re doing.” This helps them know that you’re open to revisiting rules over time depending on how well things are going for them and the family.

Teens (ages 13+)

Teenagers are often the most resistant to changes in screen time boundaries, especially if they feel like it’s infringing on their independence. When you try to reduce their screen time a common objection might be, “You’re treating me like a little kid!” or “You don’t understand how important this is to me!”

How to respond: This is where open, honest communication is key. Instead of simply laying down the law, explain your reasoning and invite your teen to join in the conversation. “I understand that you’re older and you’re more responsible with your screen time. However, I’m concerned about how much time you’re spending on your devices. It’s affecting your sleep, your mood, and how much time you’re spending with your friends and family.”

Use these discussions to help your teen identify areas where they can self-regulate. For example, “How do you feel about using your phone only during certain times of the day? Maybe you could start by putting it away during family dinner or an hour before bed so we can all unwind.”

Another way to approach this is to give your teen some input on the rules. “I know you value your social connections, so let’s work together to set some limits. How much screen time do you think is fair, and when would you be willing to turn off your devices for other activities?”

If your teen argues that they have too much schoolwork or extracurricular commitments, remind them of the need for balance. “I know you’re busy with school and activities. That’s why we’re limiting screen time to give you more space to focus on those things, while also allowing you to relax without distractions.”

No matter your child’s age, the key here is to expect they will be unhappy with the changes. They do not have to fully understand or agree with your insight and decisions for you to move forward with changes. Check out this article for additional tips on how to communicate with your kids about ending screen time.

Step 3: Stay consistent and provide positive reinforcement

One of the biggest challenges parents face when revising screen time rules is sticking to the new boundaries. It’s easy to cave in and go back to old habits – especially when their emotions are running high. Consistency is essential, no matter how much they push back. When you make the rules clear and stick to them, your child will eventually adapt. Extreme dysregulation when limiting devices is a major sign that you need to forge ahead, as they have likely developed an unhealthy reliance on their devices and digital media.

It’s also helpful to offer positive reinforcement when your child complies with the new boundaries. For example, you could say, “I’m really proud of how you handled your screen time today. I love how you spent time with your friends outside!” Reinforcing positive behavior strengthens your child’s ability to make good choices on their own. Pointing out the positives you see in areas like being more focused on school work, falling asleep more easily at night, or just generally being more pleasant also helps them connect the dots between the changes in device rules and how they’re feeling and functioning.

Know you’re doing the right thing

Revising your child’s screen time boundaries is never easy, especially when you’re walking back rules that have been in place for a while. Children will express frustration, resistance, or even resentment. By acknowledging their emotions, maintaining open communication, and implementing age-appropriate strategies, you can guide them toward healthier screen time habits. 

Remember that this process is about creating balance, not punishment. Help yourself manage new expectations and rules by using a parental control option like Qustodio to set time limits, restrict inappropriate content, and more. With consistency in applying the rules, your child will learn to manage their screen time in a way that supports their overall wellbeing.

Children aged 6–9 tend to be curious, energetic, and increasingly independent. They’re managing the transition from early childhood to middle childhood, which includes more structured learning environments, developing peer-focused social skills, and a growing sense of responsibility. This stage of development typically includes more exposure to lots of things, including digital media and screen time. 

Technology can be a helpful tool for learning and socializing—but without proper boundaries, it can have negative impacts on their development. As with many things at this age, parents need to consider how to adapt the rules and responsibilities around technology to best meet the needs of kids as they go through their elementary school years.

Why screen time boundaries are important for 6 to 9-year-olds

Children aged 6-9 are undergoing significant physical, emotional, and cognitive growth. They need to be able to focus their attention on what is going on in the world around them, and with the people around them, in order to maximize their development during this stage. Excessive screen time can get in the way of this, as it keeps their focus on the screen as opposed to the human interactions and activities happening around them. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that parents limit the amount of time kids spend on screens, and focus on prioritizing other activities that don’t involve screens and digital media.

What the studies say

A healthy lifestyle is also crucial at this age. Kids aged 6 to 9 need to be physically active, eat well, and get enough sleep in order to support brain and body development. We know that kids who spend more than the recommended 2 hours per day on screens are at risk for a wide variety of health problems, including obesity and metabolic disorders, unhealthy diet patterns and eating disorders, sleep problems, dry eyes, headaches, and muscle aches. Many of these issues stem from the reduced physical activity that happens when kids are spending hours a day on screens. Kids at these ages need at least an hour of physical activity each day, and this should be prioritized before screen time.

Academic learning is also a key focus at these ages as some schools encourage screen time as a tool for learning in the classroom. This can have benefits and drawbacks, but parents need to be aware that their child has likely already had a significant amount of screen time during the school day before they return home in the afternoon. Excessive screen time leads kids to be more sedentary and experience more sleep problems, which has a negative impact on their ability to focus and learn in school. If we want kids to succeed in school, then we need to set limits on the amount of time they spend on screens, particularly smartphones.

Strategies for setting screen time boundaries for 6 to 9-year-olds

Creating and enforcing screen time limits for this age group requires a more collaborative approach than setting limits for younger children. At this stage, children are more independent and may resist restrictions. However, they’re also capable of understanding the reasoning behind boundaries. Here are some strategies to consider for kids in this age group:

Set clear rules and routines

Create a daily schedule that includes specific times for screen use but prioritizes other activities, such as outdoor play, reading, time with friends, and family time. For example:

• School days: Allow 30 minutes of screen time after time is spent on physical activity, homework, and chores.
• Weekends: Provide up to an hour of screen use in the morning or afternoon, with most of the time spent on creative activities, physical play, and family or friend time.

Consistency is key. When children know what to expect, they are less likely to argue about limits. 

Use technology wisely

Encourage your child to use screens for educational purposes or creative projects, such as learning apps, research, or making digital art and music. Balance this with recreational use, such as watching shows or playing games. Focus on quality over quantity by prioritizing age-appropriate and positive content. Make sure you are aware of what they are watching and doing when they are using devices, and remember that social media is not an appropriate screen time activity for kids at this age.

Create screen-free zones and times

Establish areas in your home where screens are not allowed, such as at the kitchen table or in bedrooms. You should also implement screen-free times each day, such as during meals or an hour before bedtime. These practices promote healthy habits and ensure that your child is focused on activities that support their development.

Encourage a variety of activities

Help your child engage with activities that don’t involve screens. Outdoor play, board games, puzzles, music, and crafts are excellent options that foster creativity, social interaction, and problem-solving. Offering alternatives reduces reliance on screens for entertainment. Make a list of things they can do that don’t involve screens. Post it on the fridge for all those moments when they can’t seem to find anything to do besides ask for more screen time. Remember that it’s okay, and actually really important, for your child to be bored some of the time!

Model healthy screen habits

Children at this age are very observant, and they are watching the behavior of adults around them. How you act around and with  devices will speak much louder than whatever you say to them. Show them that you are focused on balancing screen time with other activities to support your own health. You should be adhering to the same boundaries of no devices at the dinner table, prioritizing physical activity over screen time, and engaging with non-screen hobbies and activities.

Use tools to support boundaries

At this age, using parental controls on devices is absolutely critical for helping set and enforce screen time boundaries. In addition to the controls that come on devices, a tool like Qustodio (which I used with my children and have recommended to thousands of other parents) can help monitor screen use, set time limits, and block inappropriate content. These tools give you an added layer of control and protection while teaching your child about boundaries and online safety. 

How to talk with your 6 to 9-year-old about screen time limits

While most parents know it’s important to set and enforce limits on their child’s screen time, it can be tough to know how to approach it with kids and what to say. This can become more challenging with kids ages 6-9, as they are able to communicate their thoughts and feelings, and more likely to argue about the limits. However, they’re also better able to understand reasoning and can engage in discussions about screen time limits. Approaching these conversations in a positive, collaborative way can help them feel involved in the process.

1. Explain why boundaries are necessary

Children are more likely to follow rules if they understand the reasons behind them. You might say:

 “Screens can be fun and helpful, but if we spend too much time on them, we miss out on other important things like playing, learning, and spending time with family. That’s why we have limits to make sure we’re doing a little bit of everything!”

Approaching it in this way helps your child understand that limits and boundaries are not about punishment but about balance and health.

2. Set expectations together

Giving kids appropriate choices helps them feel heard and in control. Instead of you deciding every aspect of the rules, give them some options. You could say: 

“When would you like to use your screen time on school days – before dinner or after dinner?” 

When children feel included in decision-making, they’re less likely to argue about the rules.

3. Use positive reinforcement

Praise your child when they follow the rules or choose non-screen activities on their own. You might say:

“I’m so proud of you for turning off the tablet when your time was up and finding something else to do. That shows great responsibility!”

Reinforcing healthy choices and behavior encourages them to stick to limits and continue making those good decisions.

4. Prepare for transitions

Transitions can be tough for all kids, especially when they’re enjoying screen time after a stressful day at school. Give them a heads-up before their time is up so they can plan ahead: 

“You have 10 more minutes to play your game. When the timer goes off, it’s time to go outside and ride your bike.”

This approach helps them mentally prepare for the shift and can help reduce resistance.

Final thoughts

Setting screen time boundaries for 6-9-year-old children is an essential part of promoting healthy development and creating balance in their lives. While technology can be a valuable tool for learning and entertainment, excessive use can interfere with key developmental milestones, from social and emotional growth to physical health.

By implementing clear rules, modeling healthy habits, and engaging in open conversations, parents can help their children develop a positive and balanced relationship with screens. Remember, the goal is not to eliminate technology but to make sure they are safe, healthy, and balanced with using it.

As access to the internet has become the norm for children and teens, concerns about access to potentially dangerous and developmentally detrimental content are often at the forefront of caregivers’ minds. 

In fact, in a recent Qustodio parent survey, parents stated that exposure to adult content and pornography was the online risk that most motivated them to monitor their children’s devices. These concerns are well-founded, as research has shown an increasing number of children and teens being exposed to pornographic content online, and a significant set of psychological and physical risks associated with it. 

Here’s what parents need to know about the negative effects of porn and how to protect young kids against accidental exposure to sexual content.

How much are children being exposed to online pornography?

In my practice, I see many children and teens each year who have experienced the negative impacts of online pornography exposure. Survey results have shown that by the time boys and girls reach the age of 14-15 years old, 66% have seen pornography at some point.  

Over 90% of boys and 60% of girls are exposed to pornographic content at some point during adolescence. The average age of initial pornography exposure online is thought to be around 11 years of age, although there is evidence that children as young as age 5 see some type of sexually explicit material via device use. This is highly concerning, as studies have shown that exposure to this type of sexual content during childhood and adolescence is linked to increased risk of anxiety, sexual exploitation, sexual aggression, and addiction. Beyond that, there are significant concerns surrounding the impact of viewing pornography on future intimate relationships, as what is conveyed in pornographic content is generally unsafe and does not portray healthy sexual relationships.

“Not my kid” is no longer a reality

Given that children and teens are living in a digital age, and even more so now with many attending a significant amount of their school day online, it is imperative that parents take steps to support children’s health and safety where online pornography is concerned. 

While approximately 75% of parents believe their children have never been exposed to online sexual content, statistics show that over 60% of kids have seen pornographic content of some type. The statistics hold true for both boys and girls, although many parents believe their boys are more likely to engage in viewing or sending sexual content. This highlights the fact that this exposure generally occurs without parent awareness. In my experience counseling children, it is almost always the case that parents deny their child has the opportunity for exposure to explicit sexual content. The children, however, tell a very different story, and parents tend to be shocked when they discover what their kids have been able to access in their own home or on mobile devices given to them.

What can parents do to help?

Many parents feel uncomfortable addressing this sensitive topic with children, and may not understand the reality of what their children are exposed to online – often unintentionally. The majority of children, especially younger children, are exposed to pornographic images without intentionally searching for them, as they can show up in pop-ups or benign image searches.

While it may be more comfortable to avoid the issue of children and pornography altogether, it is detrimental to their development and increases the likelihood that they will be victimized. Here are several important steps parents can take today to address the issue of online pornography with children, and increase their safety when using digital devices and media:

Steps parents can take with their children to address the issue of online pornography

1. Talk with children about what pornography is, and share your values. 

Be clear about what constitutes pornographic/sexual content, and that it includes not only images and videos on websites, but also the texts, social media messages, and other things they may send to or receive from others. Let them know that you understand they will be (or may already have been) exposed, and want to give them information to help them stay safe and healthy. 

Normalize the fact that most kids are curious about sex and bodies, and keep the conversation free of shame or anger. Discuss the differences between sexual images and acts they may see online and real-life sexual activity. As children grow into the teen years, the conversation should include the importance of safe vs. unsafe sex, and what constitutes sexual violence and exploitation.

2. Make sure your children know they can talk to you about anything they see online, without risk of being punished. 

It’s important that children know they can come to adults with questions, concerns, and safety issues, in a judgment-free space.

3. Clearly explain your family’s expectations and policy on accessing or viewing pornography, and the measures you have in place to support safety and health. 

This should include things like not allowing younger children to use devices and keeping internet use out in the open, versus private places. Another good rule of thumb is that children of all ages shouldn’t be using devices in their bedrooms at night. This allows parents to be more aware of what kids are accessing and exposed to. 

Another helpful strategy is to sit down periodically with children and their devices to discuss what they have been searching, the things they are doing on social media, and other online interests – coming from an interested approach, rather than accusatory or invasion of privacy.

4. Install and use parental control tools on any device your children use. 

Young children, up through elementary school age, should have restrictions that aim to block all sexual or dangerous content. As children grow into the pre-teen and teen years, restrictions can be adjusted to reflect their increasing maturity and ability to engage in safe online behavior. However, even for teens it is wise to have restrictions on adult sexual content given the research-based concerns about negative impact on healthy sexual and relational development and addiction.

Qustodio is an excellent choice for supporting safe and healthy online behavior in children, and can be easily adjusted as children grow and mature. While parental controls are helpful for blocking pornography and restricting inappropriate content, perhaps the most valuable benefit is the opportunities they provide for ongoing discussion about online behavior. The more parents are aware of what their children are doing online, the more productive conversations around health, safety, relationships, and communication can occur.

The internet provides many wonderful benefits to our children, but it’s also necessary to recognize the ever-increasing risks that can occur in a digital environment. As with most health and safety topics parents need to discuss with children, the conversation about pornography should be ongoing. What starts as a basic and factual conversation at the elementary ages should grow into a more detailed conversation about sexual information, values, safety, and personal choices as children grow toward adulthood. 

Parents need to proactively prevent their child’s exposure to pornography and to any potentially harmful content whenever possible, as opposed to figuring out how to deal with the problems that occur after a child has been harmed.

While it is unrealistic to think that young people will be fully shielded from sexually explicit and potentially dangerous content, despite parents’ best intentions, it is very possible to guide them toward safe and healthy sexual knowledge and wellness by using appropriate internet controls and keeping the line of conversation open. 

From birth, children are thrust into a world of screens and technology. We know this offers some great benefits, but it also carries a significant list of negative consequences for developing brains. 

During the crucial preschool developmental period, it’s important that parents set firm screen time boundaries to protect their children’s physical, emotional, and cognitive wellbeing. 

I understand that this can be hard to do, especially when it feels much simpler to allow young children screen time to keep them occupied. In this article, we’ll explore why screen time boundaries are vital for preschoolers, provide strategies for boundary-setting, and offer practical tips on having age-appropriate conversations with your child about screen time limits.

Why screen time boundaries are important for 3 to 5-year-olds

Developmental milestones: At this age, children are developing language, social skills, and cognitive abilities. Research shows that excessive screen time in early childhood is linked to poorer performance in many developmental milestone areas, including communication and motor skills. Children learn best from engaging in hands-on activities that promote interaction with caregivers, peers, and their environment.

Mental health and attention issues: A recent study published in Preventive Medicine Reports linked higher amounts of screen time in preschool-aged children to increased rates of behavioral problems and attention issues. Young children need lots of time each day to play and interact with their world in ways to build attention span, creativity, and problem-solving skills. 

They also need to experience frustration and boredom in order to develop emotional and behavioral regulation skills.

Impact on sleep: Exposure to screens, especially before bedtime, can interfere with sleep quality. Poor sleep in early childhood can lead to many problems in the short and long term, including irritability, concentration problems, social challenges, and slower cognitive development. Setting boundaries around when and how much screen time can help avoid these risks.

Given the potential problems that arise when young kids have too much screen time, it’s clear that setting screen time boundaries is not just about limiting screen exposure—it’s about promoting overall healthy development.

Tips for setting screen time boundaries for 3 to 5-year-olds

Create a schedule and stick to it

Decide how many minutes a day you are going to allow your child to use devices. Create a family screen time routine that clearly shows when screens can be used. This could include setting specific times for watching an educational show, using a tablet for learning games, or video chatting with family members. Use a visual chart or schedule to help them understand when screens are available and when they aren’t. Stick to the schedule consistently so your child knows what to expect. 

For example, you could set a rule that screens are only allowed for 30 minutes after lunch or during specific times of the day when you need to prepare dinner. This helps prevent spontaneous screen use and reinforces structure. 

You should also have a location where you collect and store devices when kids aren’t using them, as this helps avoid power struggles and the need for you to constantly monitor where the devices are and whether your children are using them.

Designate screen-free zones

For safety and hygiene reasons, bathrooms and bedrooms should always be screen-free zones, but youmight also decide that other areas of your home or property will be device-free. This encourages your child to engage in other activities, like playing with toys, helping with household activities, reading books, or spending time outside.

Model healthy screen use

Children learn by observing, so it’s vital for adults and older children in the family to model healthy screen habits for them. If they see you constantly on your phone or watching TV for long periods of time, they may become confused about why they have screen time limits. Show them how you balance screen time with other activities, like exercising, reading, or spending quality time together as a family. Enforce appropriate limits for older children in your home, as well as younger ones.

Use parental controls and monitoring tools

Technology can make managing kids’ screen time easier for us as parents! Parental control tools, like my preferred option Qustodio, allow you to set time limits, block inappropriate content, and monitor your child’s online activities. Device-level controls are also key to helping set and enforce screen time limits, and I highly encourage every parent to use them daily.

How to talk to 3 to 5-year-olds about screen time limits

Here are a few tips on how to approach these conversations:

Keep it simple and positive

Explain the benefits of balancing screen time with other activities in simple terms they can understand. You could say something like:

“Doing lots of different activities everyday helps your brain and body be healthy and strong.”

“We only use the tablet after lunch because we need time to do important things like play with our toys, read books, and go outside.”

By framing the conversation in a positive way, you’re helping your child understand that screen time isn’t being taken away—it’s being balanced with other important activities.

Set expectations in advance

Before your child uses a screen, clearly communicate how long they can use it and what will happen when their time is up. For example:

“You can watch your favorite show for 20 minutes, and then it will be time to turn it off and play outside. I’ll let you know when you have 5 minutes left.”

“Let’s set the timer for 30 minutes, and when it beeps I’ll help you put your tablet in the cupboard until tomorrow.”

This kind of advance warning helps prepare your child for the transition from screen time to other activities.

Be prepared for disappointment and upset

Young children tend to have big feelings when they can’t do something they want! Your child’s unhappiness, frustration, and upset about screen time limits are completely normal, and are not a sign that you should give them more time. Acknowledging and empathizing with their feelings, while firmly sticking to the boundary you set is key. 

You might say things like:

“I know you love watching that show and you’re mad that I am turning it off. It’s OK to feel mad. You can watch another episode tomorrow after lunch.”

“You want to play games on my phone and you’re sad that I said no. I understand that you’re feeling sad about it, and my job is to keep you healthy. Would you like to go on the swings or read a book?”

One of the best things you can do to support your preschooler’s development is set and maintain firm screen time limits. It’s essential for their physical, emotional, and cognitive development. 

Children who learn how to manage their device use in healthy ways from a young age are better able to do it as they get older. The goal isn’t to eliminate screen time altogether, but to balance it with other important activities, such as physical play, creativity, and real-world social interactions. By establishing these habits early on, you’re setting the stage for healthier, happier kids as they grow.

If you think back on your childhood and teen years, chances are you had a few role models you looked up to. Maybe they were people you saw on TV, a teacher at your school, or someone in your community. Role models help shape growth and development by educating, inspiring, and influencing behavior. While this is a great thing when role models are healthy and positive, children and teens who look up to individuals with problematic beliefs and behaviors can shift development in negative ways. 

In an era where we are increasingly exposed to an endless variety of influences via the internet and other digital media, helping children find positive role models online (and avoiding negative ones) is more important than ever. 

Identifying positive role models

In the digital space, role models come in various forms— from YouTubers, podcasters, and Instagram influencers to sports stars, educators and philanthropists. Positive role models can inspire children to pursue their passions, teach valuable life skills, promote self-esteem, and demonstrate healthy social behaviors. However, the online world also exposes them to less desirable influences that may promote unrealistic beauty standards, problematic beliefs, or inappropriate behavior.

A positive online role model should exhibit qualities that you’d be proud to have your child aspire to. They should reflect healthy, aspirational attributes without encouraging materialism, fame-seeking, selfishness, disturbing beliefs, or chronic negativity. Positive role models inspire creativity, perseverance, empathy, and intellectual curiosity. These figures often engage in community service, promote educational content, support good causes, or teach new skills.

Tips for parents to encourage positive role models online

1. Discuss what makes a good role model 

Engage in discussions with your children about who their role models are and why they look up to them. Share your own role models and what’s important to you about these individuals. This conversation can give insights into your child’s interests and values and opens up a dialogue about what attributes constitute a positive role model. 

Discuss the importance of character traits such as kindness, honesty, creativity, and resilience. Talk about people you see in your real life and online, and how their behavior aligns with being a good or a poor role model.

2. Explore together 

Spend time together exploring different online platforms and discovering new influencers that align with positive values. This can not only be a bonding experience but also allows you to guide your child in evaluating online content. You can periodically share profiles and content from individuals who model the kinds of things you’d like your kids exposed to. 

3. Set boundaries and use tools

Utilize parental control tools to manage and monitor your child’s online activity to help ensure they aren’t spending time consuming content from potentially problematic individuals or accounts. Platforms like Qustodio offer features that help filter out inappropriate content and manage screen time simply and effectively. For more helpful guidance on this topic, check out these articles on using social media in healthy ways and deciding how much screen time is healthy.

4. Encourage critical thinking

Teach your children to think critically about the information and various personalities they encounter online. Encourage them to question and reflect on the messages conveyed by their favorite online personalities and how they align with their personal values. 

5. Highlight a variety of role models

Expose your child to a diverse range of role models who excel in different fields such as science, art, literature, and social causes. This diversity can broaden their horizons and inspire them to explore various interests and passions. Helping kids move beyond the realm of pop culture and trending personalities.

6. Be a role model yourself

Parents and caregivers are a child’s first and most important role models! Demonstrate healthy digital habits by being mindful of your own online behaviors. Share your experiences and what you consider positive content online. By acting as a role model yourself, you set an important example for your children to follow.

Implementing age-appropriate strategies

While the above general strategies are appropriate for kids of all ages, how you approach some of the specifics will differ depending on your child’s age/developmental level. 

For younger children, the focus should be more on filtering content and being directly involved with their media consumption. Actively choose which channels, shows, and media are available for your child. Platforms like YouTube Kids offer child-friendly content, but parents should still vet channels for positive messaging and educational value.

With older children, your strategy should shift towards fostering independence and critical thinking about the content and creators they’re viewing. Discuss how certain content makes them feel and whether those feelings are positive or negative. Encourage them to unfollow or step away from influencers who spread negativity or unrealistic standards.

Incorporating these tailored strategies will not only help in safeguarding your children against negative online influences but also in encouraging them to seek out and appreciate positive role models that can inspire and guide them throughout their developmental years and beyond.

Of all the topics parents have raised over the years in my practice, social media and kids is certainly in the top 10 – and for good reason. 95% of teens ages 13-17 are on at least one social media platform, with over 1 in 3 reporting they use these platforms “almost constantly”. 

Parents have increasingly observed worse mood, behavior, anxiety, and more with their kids as social media use has become more common. Then we have the scientific researchers who have been raising alarm bells about kids and social media use for the past decade, with recent studies showing serious concerns about the negative impact of social media use on child and teen mental health and functioning. 

Should children be on social media?

Now today, as I am writing this, the Surgeon General of the United States is demanding that a warning notice be placed on social media apps about the danger these platforms pose to child mental health. Similar to what the US government has done previously with alcohol and cigarettes, he believes the evidence has reached a tipping point where parents need to be visually warned about the dangers that the use of these platforms pose to their kids. 

All of this begs the question of whether our children and teens (and perhaps any of us) should be on social media in the first place. However, given that many kids are currently on these platforms, and that older teens can benefit from “practice” with managing social media use with parental guidance prior to leaving their parents’ home, it seems very relevant to provide guidance to parents on how best to manage social media with kids. Here I will specifically address the issue of whether parents should follow their kids on social media apps. 

The question involves many layers, including considerations of well-being, privacy, trust, and safety. In this article, we’ll explore why parents need to be aware of their kids’ social media activities, what to do if your child is secretive about their social media use, the pros and cons of following them, the best practices for monitoring, and how parents can set a positive example with their own social media usage.

Why parents need to be aware of what their kids are doing on social media

While many parents may think of social media as a way for their kids to stay connected to friends and up on the most recent trends, there is a serious dark side to be aware of. Social media exposes kids to potential risks such as cyberbullying, inappropriate (even dangerous) content, and online predators. 

Beyond these safety concerns, there are major mental health and overall wellness issues to consider. Research shows the significant negative impact social media use has (especially for longer periods of time daily) on kids’ focus, sleep, social relationships, self-esteem, body image and eating behaviors, anxiety, mood, overall behavior, and more. You can select virtually any area of child mental health and find a study showing at some degree of negative impact related to social media use. 

Given this, it makes sense for parents to take responsibility not only for making an informed choice about allowing their children access to these platforms, but for supporting healthier social media use and habit development.

I think my child is on social media, but they don’t want me to know about it

Whether a child is on social media or not is a decision for parents to make, despite what kids want to believe. You need to take into account all the things you know about your child, and make a decision about when and how they are able to access these platforms on their devices. 

However, children’s natural curiosity (and the normal drive to sometimes test or break the rules) means parents need to have extra layers of protection in place to ensure kids can’t access apps and content you’ve determined are inappropriate. This should involve utilizing parental control options on the devices themselves, as well as installing and consistently monitoring an external parental control tool like Qustodio. These tools are your partner in helping ensure your children aren’t able to access things until you’ve determined they’re ready. 

If a child has installed and is using social media on their device without your permission, know that it’s common for teens especially to seek privacy and autonomy. This extends to their online lives. It’s important for you to approach the situation with sensitivity. Start by having an open and honest conversation about your concerns and the reasons behind them:

• Emphasize that your primary interest is their safety and well-being, and talk about the real risks of mental health issues and safety concerns. 
• Sit down together and look at what they have installed and how they’re using it. 
• Refrain from angry responses or punishments, as this will only lead to more secrecy on their part. 
• Be aware that kids can have multiple profiles on these apps, so it’s important to understand the ways they may be using even the apps you have approved for them.

Pros and cons of following your child on social media

One way many parents consider monitoring their kids’ social media use is through following them on the various platforms. My perspective as both a professional psychologist and a mom of 4 kids is that this makes good sense. After all, we should be teaching kids that nothing they do online is really private, and they shouldn’t be doing or posting anything that they wouldn’t be OK with adults seeing. 

If you feel your teen is ready for social media access, then one of the initial rules should be that a parent will follow their account. This is important for younger teens, and is a strategy that can be reduced over time as kids get older and demonstrate safe behavior and healthy habits. There are some specific pros and cons to weigh when making this decision.

Pros:

1. Safety monitoring – Following your child on social media allows you to monitor their interactions and ensure they are not engaging with harmful content or people.
2. Strengthening relationships – It can provide opportunities to connect over shared interests and stay involved in their lives.
3. Role modeling – You can demonstrate appropriate online behavior and help them understand the importance of digital etiquette.
4. Teaching opportunities – When you see concerning behavior from your child you can use it as an opportunity to calmly discuss and provide important feedback and guidance. These real-life situations provide highly valuable learning opportunities when we’re aware of them.

Cons:

1. Privacy concerns – Teenagers value their privacy, and having parents follow them can feel intrusive, potentially leading to secretive behavior. It’s helpful to have clear ongoing conversations about what you’re monitoring and how often.
2. Trust issues – Over-monitoring can lead to a breakdown in trust between parents and teens. It’s important for teens to feel like their parents trust them to make good decisions, especially as they get closer to young adulthood.
3. Embarrassment – Teens might feel embarrassed by their parents’ presence on social media, which can impact the relationship. Parents should talk with kids before actually engaging with the content they post. It’s possible (and preferable) to monitor quietly without constantly commenting and engaging with your child’s content.

Parent dos and don’ts if you follow kids on social media

If you’ve decided that following your child’s social media accounts is an appropriate strategy, there are some key things you should and should not do in order to make the experience beneficial for all involved.

Do:

• Respect their space – Avoid commenting on every post or being active on their profile at all. Allow them some privacy and discuss the level of engagement they would like you to have before you start liking or commenting.
• Have open conversations – Discuss their online experiences regularly and without judgment to encourage open communication. 
• Set boundaries – Agree on clear rules regarding social media use and stick to them consistently. This includes them not altering parental control settings on their devices or apps.

Don’t:

• Avoid being overbearing – Constant monitoring and commenting can make your child feel suffocated. Don’t harp on about every little thing you see, and give them appropriate leeway to be kids.
• Don’t publicly embarrass them – Avoid posting or commenting in ways that could embarrass your child in front of their peers. When in doubt, don’t post anything at all on their accounts!
• Don’t ignore red flags – If you notice concerning behavior or content, address it calmly and privately. This is an important opportunity to help them learn and to intervene with potential problems before they get out of control.

The reality is that any teen getting on social media for the first time (which should be no younger than 13 per the rules of the apps themselves) benefits from parental monitoring and support, including following their accounts. The level of monitoring can and should shift as they get older and demonstrate reliable, responsible and safe behavior over time, as well as showing habits that indicate they’re not experiencing worsening mental health as a result of their app usage. 

For younger teens closer supervision is necessary, while older teens may benefit from more autonomy. Teens who feel like their parents are supportive and communicative are less likely to engage in risky behavior in general, and this includes online. Striking a balance between supervision and trust is key. Use parental controls and monitoring tools, including account following, to stay informed without being invasive, and use strategies to help teens navigate social media in a healthy way.

Setting an example with our own social media usage

The saying about kids learning more from what we do than what we say is definitely true! This includes what they observe with our own online and social media behavior. Modeling healthy social media habits ourselves is key in fostering responsible and healthy use in our kids. 

Demonstrate responsible use of these platforms by avoiding oversharing, maintaining privacy, and being respectful online – both in your own posts and in your comments on other content. Monitor how often you’re on these apps, and how it may be impacting your wellness. Talk with your kids about your observations of your own habits, and how you’re shifting them as needed.  Show your children how to critically evaluate content and practice empathy and kindness in digital interactions. By setting a good example, you teach them to navigate social media responsibly, and can minimize the negative impacts on their physical and mental health.

Deciding whether to follow your child on social media involves balancing their need for privacy with your responsibility to ensure their safety. By fostering open communication, setting clear guidelines, and modeling responsible online behavior, you can help your children navigate the digital world more safely and confidently. 

As technology use has increased over the past decade, so have the number of concerns I receive from parents about how it impacts the development of children. From cognitive and learning concerns to social and emotional concerns, parents and professionals are right to question the impact of technology, and the time and energy it consumes our children with. 

While there are certainly social benefits to digital device use and media consumption, concerns arise when excessive time spent on devices detracts from time spent engaging in and benefitting from in-person interactions and developmentally necessary activities. Let’s take a scientific look at how your child’s time online impacts their social skills – empathy, compassion and sensitivity to human relationships – and what parents can do to encourage healthy social development.

The positive effects of technology on children’s social development

The good news is that not all technology use is bad. It can be used to bring people together, and this is certainly the case for children and teens as well. 

Many report that use of social media platforms, texting, and other apps allows them to stay connected to peers they know in real life. It also can foster the development of friendships with peers around the world who have shared interests and goals.

Children with social anxiety disorders, who often struggle with engaging in social interactions in person, may find that online communities and social media platforms allow them to practice social interaction skills and gain confidence with social communication in a more comfortable way. Social support groups online also allow children to share their experiences and receive encouragement and guidance that may not be available to them in their local community.

The cons: What are the negative effects of screen time on children’s social development?

The bad news is that the overuse of screen time displaces time spent engaging in real life social interactions. We know that children develop communication, cognitive, and social skills through their relationships with caregivers and other adults and peers. They require face-to-face engagement to understand and use verbal and non-verbal communication, develop empathy, learn turn-taking, and more.

Increased technology use has the potential to create social disconnection for young and older children alike, which can negatively impact the development of social and relational skills.

Effects on younger children

Recent research has shown that screen time is negatively associated with social skills development in toddlers. Specifically, the more time they spend with devices the more their social development suffers in the areas of relating and interacting with others and compliance with directions and ability to help others. Levels of disruptive social behaviors, such as being bossy or bullying, increased with more screen time activity.

How does screen time affect older children socially?

The concerns about social disconnection extend to older children and teens as well. As time spent on devices increases, time spent in-person with peers and adults decreases. This can lead to a sense of isolation and loneliness, with studies showing that teens who report the least in-person interaction and the most screen time have the highest rates of loneliness and depression. 

A study involving older children showed that spending one week at summer camp without screen time led to a significant improvement in children’s ability to read and understand non-verbal emotional cues. This demonstrates the negative impact that screen time can have on the development of these critical social skills, but also highlights that these skills can improve in a relatively short amount of time (at least for older children) when device use is decreased and in-person social interaction is increased.

Screen time’s effects on family dynamics

An additional concern regarding social development and overuse of screen time is the decrease in positive family interaction that occurs. Studies have shown that increased use of devices leads to reduced quality time among family members, and increased parent-child conflicts. Children and their use of devices play a role, but so do the device habits of parents. 

When parent use of devices infringes on quality engagement with children, their social development suffers. Parents need to be mindful of their own device habits, as well as the amount of time they allow their children, in order to support healthy social development.

For the younger generations, devices are unavoidable, but the negative effects of screen time don’t have to be. By understanding the pros and cons of screen time, families can put new strategies and boundaries in place to reduce the negative impact of devices on their children’s social development. Creating new habits doesn’t have to happen overnight, and by taking small steps over time, you can change your relationship with screens for the better – together!